Zarna Garg on Good Hang with Amy Poehler

Hi everyone, welcome to another episode

of Good Hang. Very excited to talk to my

guest Zarna Gar. Zara is a stand-up

comedian, producer, writer, actress. Um,

I met Zarna when she came on tour with

me and Tina Fay as we toured the country

and I got to know her and her work. And

Zara is um just so funny and sharp and

um honest and she's gonna uh she's going

to talk about a lot of great things

today. We're going to talk about um her

immigration story. We're going to talk

about her very complicated feelings

about romantic love and we're going to

talk about uh the fact that it's never

too late to change your career and do

what makes you happy. Um and we're going

to start this uh interview like we

always do by talking to somebody who

knows our guest and who gives me a

question to ask them. And who better to

talk about Zara than her eldest

daughter, the apple of her eye, the

successful beautiful wonderful

Stanford senior Zoya. Zoya Gar is

joining us and she is every mother's

dream. So, let's see what Zoya has to

say today. Hi, Zoya. Can you hear me?

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[Music]

>> Wait, Zoya, you look so cute.

>> Oh, thank you. I was so excited to be a

part of this. Thanks so much for

inviting me.

>> Now, Zoya, you are Zara's daughter and

the and the oldest daughter.

Congratulations from one eldest daughter

to another. I know that it is a hard job

to be the eldest.

>> Yeah, eldest daughter is really

challenging

>> and I would I know your mom would want

me to brag for you. What dorm room are

you in? At what college are you

attending?

>> I go to Stanford and

>> Incredible.

>> Well, as she likes me to tell other

people, I am studying computer science,

but I did get to do a double major in

classics, which is for me. And by the

way, I don't really know what classics

are. What is classics?

>> Classics is any any class from ancient

Rome, Aladdin, completely impractical

stuff, you know, like it's like she

likes to say, I take her tuition money

and I light it on fire. Um,

but you know, it's for the arts. It's

for my enrichment. Zoya, I'm gonna talk

to your mom about her amazing book and

us touring together, but I I think a lot

of people should be reminded of

how important you were to her early

success and how you motivated her. Can

you just tell people how you nudged your

mom into the work that she's doing now?

When I was growing up, my mom had given

up her career as a lawyer uh to raise me

and my younger brothers. And my dad was

the primary bread winner. But when I was

growing older, I noticed that she more

and more really wanted to earn her own

money. She was starting all these

businesses um like a tomato sauce

company and a toothpaste business and

matchmaking which failed miserably.

Everything was just not working

essentially. And these were businesses

that she bought the LLC for, made

websites for, tried to learn on the

internet how to sell services for. And I

just noticed that the only reason anyone

would buy her terrible chili was because

she would make them laugh. I mean, she

would stand in front of them and she

would make them laugh. And I remember

one day I had been watching, you know,

like some Seinfeld clip and had grown up

watching comedy and said, "Mom, you

should be a stand-up comedian." And she

looked at me and said, "That's not a

job." And I was like, "No, in America,

people get paid to make other people

laugh." And she was so confused because

to her, the jobs available were to be an

engineer, a lawyer, or a doctor. Um, and

so I ended up making her this birthday

gift where I got all these notes from

her friends and family asking them to

say one thing about her. And I hadn't

prompted them, but I knew that everyone

was going to comment on her personality,

on her warmth, on her ability to connect

with people. And so she got the gift.

She started reading all the notes,

handpicking them out. And she started to

really believe in herself. And she was

like, "Fine, I will give it a shot." We

ended up going to the worst comedy club

in New York City. I don't even think

that there's a name for it. I mean, it

was awful. There was barely a stage.

There was like a broken microphone. and

she just stood up there in front of two

or three random people and ranted about

me, about her mother-in-law, about

America, about STEM, everything that she

had just been kind of pent up. Um, she

just ranted about everything and then

ultimately uh made the whole audience of

like five people fall off their chairs

with laughter and it was just the most

amazing experience. And uh, ever since

then, she's been the funny bra mom that

just won't stop ranting about everything

and anything. How many years ago was

that?

>> That was four years ago.

>> It's amazing how far Zarna has come in

four years. And and I just have to point

out, it's also amazing that you as a

16-year-old, number one, wanted to be

around your mom, thought your mom was

funny, and wanted your mom to be funny.

those things don't always

>> the way she talks about her family. I

mean, to me,

>> why it's so uh relaxing to watch Zara

talk about you all is no matter what she

says, how she jokes around about her

husband or her kids, there's so much

love there, you are a very tight family.

>> Yeah, we're we're really close. I mean,

I didn't actually know what a family

business was. Everybody kept saying,

"Oh, you guys are family business.

You're family business." And I just I

still don't even know what that is

because I think Indian people love to

work really hard. And then our life kind

of becomes our work. But then if you're

working together on like social media

skits and you're working together and

selling a book and doing all these

different ways to help one another, it

just kind of turned into a family

business without us realizing it. And I

think the only reason it worked was

because we're so close and we trust each

other.

>> You know, you know your mother probably

better than anyone else. What question

do you have for your mom today? Anything

you think I should ask her that um uh

our listeners would would be interested

in hearing about.

>> I have been so excited about this. Now,

she talks all the time about how she

doesn't say I love you to my dad. Uh,

but I have caught her going on a walk

with him every day and she says that she

only wants everybody to study STEM and

math and science, but she is a

professional writer. And so I think what

you should ask her is, do you think

you're a hypocrite?

>> That's such an older daughter question.

That's amazing. I want to see her react

to that because I feel very confused by

this propaganda she's constantly

spreading that she does not subscribe to

herself and I think it's a worthwhile

question to get to the bottom of.

>> So you're saying that when they go for

their walks, do you think she's secretly

saying I love you?

>> I think that the walks are an expression

of I love you but she refuses to say it

>> out of like undying commitment to the

lack of the word love. I do think that

she loves him. Oh, Zoe, when I talk to

people like you, I feel really good

about our future. You're so smart and

poised and funny and I I just um you

know, I think sometimes you can tell a

lot about a person by um their children

and how they relate to their children.

And it's really really cool to see the

relationship you have with your mom.

It's it's really really special. Um

>> well, we're going fulltime together

actually, which is really exciting.

>> What do you mean? What's happening? So,

I acted as the pre-order campaign

manager of her book, which we made it to

the New York Times bestseller list. I

sold 10,000 pre-orders, which was very

stressful. If you think it's stressful

having Zarna as a mom, it's even more

stressful to have Zorna as a boss. My

god, for feedback. It's not feedback.

It's just you're going to get fired if

you don't do it. So, um, wow. Um, it was

very intense. But, um, we made it

through. It was such a good experience.

So, I'm going fulltime and we're going

to be building the ZG family media

empire. So, um that's what we're going

to be doing. I'm sure she'll have lots

of thoughts about um you know, employing

your child and what that looks like.

>> You are you getting paid?

>> Um you know, paid is a strong word. Um

Oh, my mom's texting me. What question

did you tell her? I'm like, she

she just texted me. I only have my

notifications on for her because god

forbid she texts me. I'm dying. I'm

>> tell her Amy said to mind your own

business.

>> What did Amy say?

Tell me right now.

>> She's incredible.

>> She's actually not real. She's like,

"Are you on? Did you forget?" I'm like,

"What is wrong?"

>> So, I love you.

>> I'm always under threat. I'm always

under threat. Somebody I hope there's a

therapist watching this podcast episode

thinking I will sign this client on for

free.

>> Zoya, when you crack and break and you

rebel and you um do do your first thing

wrong, I'm so ready for it. And Auntie

Amy is here to take care of you. You can

come live with me when you're ready when

you're ready to just, you know, go full

tilt. Um come come live with me.

>> But then you're also going to be under

threat. You don't want to be on her hit

list, right? Like if you side with me.

>> Zara doesn't scare me. She doesn't scare

me.

>> Oh my god, that is a

>> Okay, I'm wrong. I'm wrong. She does

scare me.

>> I'm very scared. You know what? Tell her

everything's going great. Tell her your

question.

>> Thank you so much.

>> So you're so great, Zoe. It's so good to

see you.

>> Thank you so much.

>> Okay, honey. Take care. Bye. Thanks for

your time.

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>> I'm so happy you're here.

>> I'm so happy to be here.

>> Sarna, I was thinking the other day

about new friends because I think, you

know, we're the same age. It's never too

late to make new friends. You are a new

friend. We've met a couple years ago.

>> Yes.

>> And like I just like the idea that you

just are never too old to make new

friends.

>> No. And you know what? At the beauty of

making friends at this age is you're

really united on your actual interest.

>> Yeah.

>> It's not your kids' friend's mom. It's

not your husband's whatever whatever.

And

>> it it's not somebody you were related.

It's really like the two of you love

doing this thing together.

>> Yeah.

>> And then that becomes the thing that

unites you. For people that don't know,

Zara is a stand-up comedian joining us

today, an actress, a writer, a producer.

Um, we're going to talk about your book,

This American Woman, the hit

best-selling New York Times bestseller.

We're going to talk about your news

special. And I want to talk about how we

started working together because that's

going to be really Yeah. And we learned

I feel like we learned a lot about each

other by being on tour together. Yeah.

>> And we learned that we do not like to

party.

>> No.

That's been the best part of touring

with you guys. Everybody's happy to get

in their pajamas and go home.

We have like no interesting tour stories

at all. Um, but but I did if it's okay.

I don't usually like to like this is

your life version of these things, but

this this your book, which I had the

pleasure to read and loved and told you

and it really was moving. Is it okay if

we start with little Zarna first?

>> I mean, yeah. Whatever you I I'm really

not going to get emotional. I've decided

I want

>> I'm going to make you cry

>> because I like I just That's not That's

not a hard thing to do because I'm like

it's right there. The fact that Amy

Polar has read my book.

>> Come on.

>> No. And you were like texting me in real

time as you were reading it. I was you

know you ask if part of writing the book

is getting the blurbs from your famous

friends and it's a thing and you chase

your famous friends. anybody you ever

had lunch with or ran into at the

grocery store or cross paths with in

Grand Central Station, you're like,

"Remember me?" And then you beg and

plead them and then you and Tina just

got in. They're like, "Yeah, we'll do

it." And even then, you don't expect

them to actually read the thing. Like,

be honest. You know what I mean? You're

like, "They're going to have an

assistant run it through chat GPD and

give us a good line."

>> And that's a good idea. No, that is

like, you know, people do that. And

that's what but you read every word you

were texting me through with like did

this happen and then that happened and

that I I was dying. I couldn't believe

that Amy Polar has read my book.

>> Well, look, I've read a lot of

autobiographies

and blurbed a lot. And this reads like a

page turner. This is your life is really

really fascinating, extreme, hopeful, at

times dangerous, very like a lot has

happened in your life. You've had a very

um uh like adventurous life and it just

continues and in fact I was talking to

Zoya um

>> uh your beautiful daughter uh who has a

good question for you and she was saying

you say you want to have a big life. You

wanted to have a big life. You have had

a big life, Zara. So, let's start with

little Zarna.

>> Okay,

>> take me back to little teeny tiny Zarna

in India. What were what were you like

as a 10-year-old girl? I was always

getting in trouble. Always big mouth has

always gotten me in trouble. In fact,

that's why the book is titled this

American woman because I had a habit of

questioning people. I had a habit of

being like this doesn't make sense. And

you know, even the most obvious things

that don't make sense back where I come

from, you're not allowed to say it.

>> But I would just be like, "Has anybody

considered the alternative?" And

everywhere I went, people would be like,

"Oh, she thinks she's American." Cuz you

know, any woman with an opinion must

have come from there, that bad place.

>> And you were in Mumbai at that point.

>> I was born and raised in Mumbai in

affluence,

>> in extreme affluence. I grew up as like

the 1% of Mumbai back in the day. So I

had everything. I had access to

everything. I had access to Hollywood. I

had access to TV shows in America, comic

books, books. Uh and I mean the access

backfired on my parents.

>> Wait, what do you mean?

>> But because I saw and read so much, I

started questioning like why are we

living like this when we could be living

like that? What did you see back then

like you from American culture that that

you remember that you identified with

that was at times maybe threatening to

your parents?

>> I mean the first thing was like not an

obsession with marriage. I remember

reading comic books and things like

books I read in India were all about

young girls and who they were going to

marry and how those husbands were going

to be so nice and let them finish

college and like that's a thing. Yeah.

In an arranged setting, you will have

the boy's mother say, "No, no, we're

very modern. She should finish her

degree

>> and then stay home."

>> Mhm. Right. And you from a very early

age, there was something inside you

where you were thinking this is not the

right path for me.

>> Well, I'm just curious. I know now I'm

curious about everything. I am even now

like if I have five like recently I was

in an airplane. We traveled so much for

work, right? And the airplane was like

late as it happens. And I just started

YouTubing like how to fly an airplane.

I was like it can't be that hard and I

was very serious that like I should look

at. So for hours I was like how do

people start? You know the curiosity has

always been

>> but but you say you're saying something

very deep actually because I think the

reason why your life has taken its it's

like has traveled this way is because of

just that as you looked at things and

you thought

it can't be that hard.

>> It can't be that hard. Yeah.

>> Okay. So you're watching what do you

what were kind of stuff were you

watching and listening to in India

>> back then was thre's company

>> love.

>> Come and knock on my door.

>> Come and knock on my door.

>> Yeah. I was like, "Yes, that's my life.

>> I want the door."

>> How funny is John Ritter in that in that

show?

>> All of them though, Janet and Suzanne

Summers and the the land lady and the

whole thing. I was like,

>> "This is why am I stuck with this

situation here? You know, my life was

very much

>> So, you watched a lot of 70s sitcom,

>> Family Ties, Growing Pains, and you name

it. I was obsessed with all of them."

>> Yeah.

>> And we got bootleg copies.

>> How How did you watch them? as somebody

in America, some relative of some

distant friend, relative would record it

playing on their TV.

No, that's how we all watched it. And

people charge rent. If you wanted to

watch that recording, you had to pay

rent for it. So any dollar, any rupee I

had back then, I spent on like anything

American I could get my hands on.

>> Were there at during that time who were

famous Indian actors and actresses that

had kind of crossed over? There probably

wasn't a lot, right? None. And it was

probably

>> you over to Hollywood. Zero.

>> Zero.

>> No, that was not even a thing.

>> And there's probably just tons of racist

portrayals at the time.

>> Yeah. I mean, but if you watched how

Americans were portrayed back home, it

was equally bad.

>> How were they portrayed?

>> Every American person was like a

villain.

>> There was not one good There was not one

well-intentioned American in TV madness.

>> This seems to make a lot of sense. This

makes a lot of sense to me. There would

be like a woman who would show up and be

like, you know, you don't have to get

married to that old man. And then the

whole country was like, she's so bad.

She's she's trying to save this little

girl like that. She doesn't know this

man is going to leave behind 10 goats

when he dies. You know, the deal has

been made.

>> You know, growing up, we're the same

age. Like as a kid of the 70s there was

just so much stereotypical Indian

representation in the US that was how we

knew Indian culture we it was just

especially in comedies that we watched

and

>> tons of non-Indian actors and actresses

playing those parts like it was yeah we

didn't we had no sense of the other side

of the world

>> and you wouldn't because also we didn't

encourage our kids to be actors or

writers so how would they play those

parts

>> like you know right now this is a raging

debate in Hollywood that's

representation and all of that but we

act like we've been doing it for 50

years we haven't

>> this is a recent thing so we are growing

our pathways we are growing our channels

our stories I mean I still I do this my

kids aren't allowed to do this

absolutely not I'm not going to let my

kids become artists and writers

>> Zoya has my daughter has an article

published in New York Times that is

widely considered one of the best essays

of all times

>> and her English teacher at her college

tried to convince her to be a writer and

I was like that evil woman. I was so

upset. She was like that American woman

like oh these American woman my dad was

right.

Okay so 10-year-old Darna is feeling

pretty like emboldened and and you know

talking about what she believes in and

like you know challenging left and right

and looking at things that you know she

wants to change and then you lose your

mom at 14. Yeah.

>> And that is a huge blow. And you write

about it so beautifully in your book.

And your mom

was such an important person in your

life as moms are. But can you tell us a

little bit about what your relationship

like was her was like with her?

>> So when she was alive, I thought I was

like her least favorite child cuz she

was actually very close to my sister my

whole life. I was the youngest of four.

And but my mom was, you know, she was a

very even though she was a very Indian

stay-at-home mom, what you would call a

stay-at-home mom, housewife here, is

that was her life. But she too must have

been curious. And I've pieced this

together

>> in hindsight because I didn't know then

because since her death, so many people

have come up to me and said, you know,

your mom helped us get started to in

this business or in this endeavor or

this career or whatever. We had no idea.

See, that's a very American thing here.

When people do charity or they give,

they talk about it. That's that's the

thing. Like when I first came to

America, I was shocked. They were like,

"This is my foundation." Like this is a

thing. We give so many millions of

dollars. In India, my mom probably gave

a lot, but she was so scared of my dad

finding out that if he found out that he

would put an end to it that it was

whispered like the women who gave like

had like a little secret network

>> and they would like whisper to each

other, but it was never openly

mentioned. So we even her kids had no

idea

>> that she was doing any of this. But she

must have been like a curious person.

She must have been like an

entrepreneurial person like living out

>> her kind of dream through uh through

these secret things that because I know

now that she helped countless people

launch their businesses.

>> Wow.

>> With what little money she could

squirrel away from my dad. I mean I as

uh when people lose their parents young,

you know, you kind of have this frozen

idea of them and it is really amazing to

have more knowledge come in so you can

fully see her as a as a woman rather

than just a mom.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. So she maybe had a little bit of a

hustler energy like you

>> hustler and she was adventurous. She

loved to go swim in India. That's not a

thing back then for women her age. And

your dad then became

uh it feels like during that time you

you kind of have two traumas very close

together which is you've got this um the

loss of your mom and then your dad

really being eager to uh to for you to

get married at a young age.

>> I mean yeah eager. Yeah. There was an

ultimatum. It wasn't even like his

suggestion. It was like you're doing it.

>> Yeah.

>> Because I think I was the youngest of

four. He was himself broken. At the

time, I'll be honest, it did not feel

that traumatic to me because I thought

he's going to come around.

>> Yeah.

>> See, sometimes I was like, let me be

mature.

>> Yeah.

>> And understand that he's shocked and

that this is a moment and that we are

all going to just come back together.

It's going to take a few days or a day

or two.

>> Your 14-year-old brain was trying to

make

>> Yeah. Because it was so out of left

field. Like this is not something we

were thinking about ever. Like in my

family it was widely accepted that I was

the curious one. I was the academic one.

There was even a hint of pride at the

idea that I got good grades. I really

thought that in a matter of a day or two

or a few days this were all resolved.

>> But what happened instead?

>> He was very determined. I learned the

hard way that he that that dads back

home, they're not messing around.

>> When they say something, they mean it.

And

>> he was very much like, "No, you're

either getting married or you're not

living here."

>> And because he himself had come up

through really hard circumstances,

>> he had no mercy. None. You know,

sometimes people are like, "But how

could your dad be so harsh because they

can't imagine it." But that's the world

we come from. That's the world he

watched his siblings die in front of his

eyes. That's the world he had taken

himself out of. Mhm.

>> So to him, we were the most pampered

brats. They're like, "You have air

conditioning and a car. Like, shut up

already."

>> Yeah. I mean, that's what I loved about

your book is you take really deep dives

into everybody in your family and you

really try to um understand them. You

really try, especially your dad.

>> I never held it against him. I've never

thought of him as a villain in my life.

I understood it was more a clash of like

two very strong willed people

>> and and it's unfortunate because he

forced me to learn English.

>> I was like this could have all been

avoided if you hadn't hired 10 English

tutors when I was little who taught me

to read all these books and watch all

these movies. Those things used to be my

homework cuz all these English tutors

would show up. My dad would line them up

be like, "She will learn the language of

success." And then at some point they

would run out of worksheets. So they

would be like, "Watch an episode of

growing pains."

So you have this risktaker, generous

mom. You have a dad who is um has strict

boundaries and cares about success and

it gets smooshed into you and you're 14

and then you're kind of on your own in a

very interesting way. What happens

between like 14 and 17 for you? So, I

left my house when my dad said, "You

have to get married." I was like, "I'm

not doing this." And I took off with

literally nothing. Thinking I'll go to

my best friend's house.

>> And my best friend was very happy to

have me for 2 days.

>> And the second day, her mom was like,

"We think you should go home."

>> And that's when it hit me. I was like,

"Oh

>> shit."

>> Like, where am I going to go?

>> And then even then, I'm like, "Oh, I

have the this other best friend, you

know, the spare best friend."

>> Yeah. She's not your real best friend,

but like you've kind of kept her in the

orbit

>> and suddenly she's looking really good.

>> She's like like suddenly I'm like, "Oh

my god, let me call her right now.

Declare my love for her."

>> Yeah.

>> Uh so I did that for a few days. And

then like and every day I was like, "Any

minute now, he's going to come and get

me. Any minute he's going to send the

driver and like nothing." And then

slowly the friends stopped taking me in

because my dad got wind of where I was

going and he was a very scary figure. He

was very successful and scary at that

time.

>> What was he what what did he find his

success in?

>> So he built uh he himself was lawy a

lawyer in India. Educated himself

through very difficult circumstances but

built a business selling textile

machines to Europe and America. So when

he made a call to them and said you're

not going to take her in, it got real,

you know, then they were like, "Oh, you

know, she really needs to make up."

Also, most people didn't see a problem

with what he was suggesting,

>> right?

>> Most people thought I was the problem,

>> right?

>> The parents of my friends were all like,

"What is her problem? Like, he's going

to find a good guy. Like, he's not." So

in their eyes, the solution was find a

good educated guy who's going to let her

finish school and then what's the issue?

>> We're all getting married anyway.

>> So their parents were kind of leaning

towards anytime I showed up it was like

I could see them calling my dad and

saying she's here.

>> Yeah.

>> So it those options started drying up

very quickly.

>> So what what what happened once they

dried up? Where did you go? I got really

lucky in that my mom, all the people

that she had helped, really poor people,

>> people with no means, like you know,

vegetable sellers and like people with

the most humble means started taking me

in

>> cuz they saw me wandering around on the

streets and they knew that something was

wrong because they had seen how I was

>> and how I had become. I mean, those were

like I I it's crazy to talk about it was

a tough time, you know, like I couldn't

wash my clothes for days on end. That

was one of the biggest things when

you're homeless that you struggle with

is like

>> I when I was at a friend's house, I

could take a shower, but I never knew

what to do about the clothes

>> because, you know, how do I suddenly

explain to them that there's no, you

know, but I was very complicated. But

the people that she had helped uh

started saying, do you want something to

eat? And even then, do you know what's

crazy? In India, a lot of street food is

served is sold folded in newspapers.

>> I was more interested in the newspaper.

>> Yeah.

>> Even in those moments, I was like, I'll

take whatever because I knew I would get

another page. Like I was so that was the

one thing that like killed me so hard

that I lost my access to what was

happening in the world

>> that they would give me food and I would

take all their papers from them. I'd be

like, "Whatever you have left over, I'll

take all of it. uh they started taking

me in then my sisters uh in-laws I

started reaching out fanning out into

distant relatives like whoever anywhere

>> I had a couple of teachers in my school

that were very kind that would be like

you know this weekend we're not home if

you want to stay at our house so it was

really like a whole quilt work of

solutions

>> and and during that time did you ever

think you know what I'm just going to

I'm going to fold I'm going to go back

I'm going to say fine I'm going to meet

somebody and have an arranged marriage.

Like what stopped you from doing that?

>> I really thought he would come around. I

hadn't given up yet, but towards the end

I did. Like a year plus into it,

>> I was like, it's not going to happen. So

I did fold. In the end, I did go

crawling back to my dad and he was very

happy and I was welcomed back. I'll

never forget with a bottle of Coke.

He was like, "How's how's your American

adventure been?"

>> Wow.

>> And he was gleeful. like he was saving

that bottle for me because he knew I

there was no exit. So I remember, you

know, uh and he ordered pizza, which is

like only bad people ate pizza back

then. Nobody good ate pizza.

So I already knew how I was like it was

going to be icy, you know.

>> So then in that moment, what happens

between then and when you go to your

sister's house in the States? So he had

found and kept a guy that he in his

estimation was the right match for me.

The glass baron of India.

>> This guy's family controlled the entire

glass industry in India.

>> And uh he was looking for a girl who was

like 10ish years younger than him. So

that's the appropriate math in the

arrangement.

>> It still remains. So

>> it still remains.

>> Listen th this is a real way of life.

Like it sounds crazy here, but this is

how people live in

>> in big big countries on the other side

of the world. So he didn't think he was

like, "Have you he couldn't understand."

He's like, "Have you seen who I'm

matching you up with?" Right?

>> Wait till you see his house.

>> Right?

>> Like in his mind, he couldn't comprehend

what the issue was. And I couldn't

understand why he couldn't understand

>> that I that none of it was appealing,

>> you know. But I did. I went and we had a

whole, you know, arranged style like me

and what the opposite of me cute.

>> You're right. There's no bumping into

each other.

>> Oh my god. Do not touch each other.

Police line. Do not cross.

>> Yeah. It is just It feels like a job

interview.

>> His family is 10 people on that side.

Our family is 10 people. There's a

broker in the middle who's like moving

around with the questions cuz people

know what arranged marriages are. You've

heard that phrase. You don't know how

arranged marriages are made. In India,

it's a very open system. Everything is

openly discussed. Like here, for

example, you're not allowed to say that

you want the most beautiful woman you

can find. Or the woman's not allowed to

say, "I want the richest guy I can

find." Even though that's what she may

want. You don't say it. Right. But in

India, you just say that.

>> You tell the broker.

>> What's the best deal you can get?

>> Yeah.

>> They say things like, "He's wearing

glasses, but she's losing her hair.

>> This is a bad

And the broker will sit there in front

of your face and be like she's 5 foot

tall but like honestly your son like

there's another brother and that brother

will inherit half of this

>> right

>> so he's not all that.

>> It's interesting because there's this

transactional nature of it that I think

then um here there's this pressure for

everything to feel very romantic. Yeah.

And I want to talk to you about that

because you and I talk about it a lot is

that there is this pressure that if

something doesn't feel really organic

and romantic then it's not real

>> real right and all that pressure and

that the the not able to talk about it I

believe only hurts women in America

>> that's my state because for example in

that transactional world both sides have

access to information for better or for

worse here what I find is that the guy

can still see what a woman looks like,

but god forbid you ask if the guy has a

real job or like he's making something

up. I'm like, I would like to see a tax

return.

>> I I do want to get into this because

Zarna Zarna has tried to set me up a

couple times and she's only tried to set

me up with billionaires.

>> Yes. Yes. Because I told you, Amy, that

is the step up that nothing else to me

has made. Zarn has only shown me

pictures of billionaires. Yes.

>> And also um

>> often ones who have heart disease, but

that's ideal.

>> That has to be the move for the move for

you.

>> And you would say things like you need

someone who makes

>> Yeah.

>> a billion dollars. And I would say it's

very hard to meet someone who ethically

made a billion dollars. And you see,

you'd roll your eyes just like you did

there. You'd be like, what what does

this have to do with anything?

>> Listen, we can fix the ethics. Sometimes

you're rich enough that then you

whitewash the you start a foundation.

Come on.

>> Can you tell everyone about it? Good

hang foundation. I just came up with it.

>> Okay. So then that the the meetup

doesn't work. You push against it. You

disappoint your father.

>> I actually didn't. I thought that was

going to happen. So I was like, "Okay,

you know, and I I got five whopping

minutes with this guy alone

>> because I asked for it. He didn't even

care." Could you imagine? He didn't even

care to like can she speak? Nothing. I'm

sitting there like a mute and he's like,

okay. But I was like, can I like talk to

him? Because I now have I'm thinking

this is going to happen,

>> right?

>> So when I met him and for the five was

like, what do you want to do with your

life? Like I was like, do you really

There was a lot of glass in that house.

>> A lot. Talk about living in a glass

house.

>> Really? I was like, but it felt a little

like, wow, this is a lot of glass. It

could get boring.

>> Yeah. Yeah.

>> Uh so I wanted to talk to him and

whatever and he was very like you know

in that circumstance he's the child of a

very wealthy he's he's got control of

everything.

>> He was very much appeasing me like she

has all these dumb woman questions.

>> Let me just give her something.

>> Yeah.

>> So I had really fully capitulated in my

heart

>> but then my US visa came through that I

had been fighting for for two years.

>> So interesting the timing. the timing.

I'm telling you, it was that the next

morning I got a telegram. I grabbed my

stuff and I ran. I ran out of that house

so fast. I didn't say a word to anybody.

I was too scared if my dad found out

that he would like find ways to hold me

back. So,

>> it's such an incredible moment. Like

your entire life hinged on the timing of

that.

>> Yeah.

>> Do you think you would have come to

America if you had been married?

>> No. Then it would have been over. I

mean, I could have betrayed my dad and I

did in in I did, but I don't think I

could have done it to a guy and his

whole family. Like, you know, like he's

done nothing wrong. Yeah.

>> That guy did nothing wrong by me,

>> right?

>> So, I would not I don't know if I would

have been able to do that to him.

>> And when you left, you really did leave

like kind of without telling anyone you

were going.

>> I was so scared. Not so brave.

>> I only said bye to my brother. My older

brother.

Yeah.

>> Yeah. You have a very close relationship

>> to this day. Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> And so you say a painful goodbye to him

and you head to Ohio.

>> Yeah.

>> And your sister is living there.

>> Yeah. Akan, Ohio.

>> You How old are you when you arrive?

>> 17. Just under.

>> You just immediately get to work and you

study and what happens next? So I got to

Ohio because the University of Akran

where I got my degree agreed to take me

in as a foreign student and that back

then foreign students were not the rage

that they are today. They were so rare.

>> Yeah.

>> But they my sister reached out to them

and said this my sister really loves to

study. How can we make this happen? And

they worked it out. And my

brother-in-law, my sister's husband

himself is a doctor, has been practicing

for decades in America's very extremely

cerebral, extremely like you know

academic.

>> So he appreciated that quality of me so

much

>> that he was like if you can come here

just study as much as you want. Like he

saw the merits of it

>> even though he himself didn't come from

a family. He's the only one in his

family who got out of his life the way

he did. But he saw it and saw it so

deeply that the two of them.

>> It was unbelievable. They were like

study as much as you want. What do you

need? How many books? I was like from a

world of like hiding and reading every

newspaper to like

>> in like the libraries in America are the

size of like I mean you can't even dream

that big in India. M

>> like our library in India was like a

little hole in the wall. If you had 20

books you were doing well.

>> Mhm.

>> But you would go I would go here to the

Akran library and I would be like oh my

god I could spend days.

>> And you and you loved what else when you

came to America at 17 did you like

immediately love and what were some

things that you were like what what is

this? What's going on?

>> Um I loved that nobody was telling me

what to do.

>> Yeah. That was just not a thing

including college like school and

college in India is very like the

teacher will when the teacher walks in

you stand up you show respect and then

the teacher will be like open this page

and like put your foot down and there's

so many rules here I would go to college

and people are eating and drinking and

their their feet are up on the chair and

I was like what is happening and of

course back then there were all these

language I remember the first time I

asked a guy for a rubber

Like you know in India an eraser is

called a rubber.

>> Yeah.

>> And you know right like you're laughing

but that was a real thing. And then when

I came in 1992

I believe uh the big person in the news

was Jeffrey Dmer.

>> Oh yeah.

>> Who is from Akran.

>> It's not a good time to go to Ohio.

>> From Akran. So I remember thinking never

go to anybody's house ever. And that

still is a good thing to actually keep

in mind. That is a good thing. But also

the freedom. My god. Like I would go for

the first time a college professor would

be like, "What do you think?" I remember

the time somebody asked me, "What do you

think?" And I was like, "Nobody's ever

asked me that."

>> Mhm.

>> Never. Even in our classes back home,

you only asked the boys what they

thought. Mhm.

>> The girls just sat there,

>> you know, and then we would then you not

only had to hear whatever the stupid boy

thought,

>> but you had to applaud and be like deep

>> amazing like

>> I mean you and I have talked about this

a lot on tour, which is that

>> I mean, in fact, it you you wrote a

really nice um thing at the end of your

book about me and Tina, and I just want

to read one part that I love so much um

because it's exactly what what we talked

about a lot, which is you say Um um

you were saying what Tina and I helped

uh taught you which is very nice which

is like you know you can mix business

with pleasure. You can work with your

friends and you say um aren't women

amazing to live and work this way and in

500 years men are going to discover that

you can mix your work life and personal

life without ruining your family and

then call it a whole renaissance

>> cuz you know that's what's going to

happen. You guys are doing it. That's

actually been the one of the most

bittersweet thing of touring with you

guys. It's so much fun to see how you

guys watch work up close to have that

front row seat,

>> but inside my heart I have so much pain

about it too. Like what could I have

done if I had had that Tina or Amy in my

life, you know, cuz it's and and this

idea you guys shattered this whole

notion of business and whatever don't

mix.

>> Men do whatever they want. They start

companies with but the women have been

told don't mix business with pleasure.

>> Yes.

>> So dumb.

>> Well, and you're still a babys. You're

only five years into this.

>> Five years.

>> Five.

>> Yeah.

>> Five.

>> I know.

>> And you're and you and you are where you

are, but I know you're impatient and and

and in all the right ways and ambitious

and but I just want to you know, you

just you're just getting started in this

business even though you're already a

vet and a pro. I mean, I I don't know. I

don't know any other way to do things

because I remember somebody told me

every comic's dream is to have a sitcom

and I was like, "Oh, that's just telling

family stories. I can do that now."

>> Yeah.

>> And I just started building my little

world with it. Like, why are we going to

wait?

>> Before you did that though, you became a

lawyer.

>> Oh my god. Don't we can't talk.

>> We don't even need to talk about it. I

mean, there's some joke like the the

only thing that lawyers have in common

is that no one wants to be a lawyer. But

you were a lawyer and you were what kind

of lawyer were you?

>> I was personal injury.

>> Wow.

>> Yeah. And I was actually like I loved

it. I was like that dog should have been

chained, you know.

>> Okay. So then while you're being a

lawyer and you're like, "Okay, maybe I

should try to meet somebody." And I want

to segue into how you met your husband.

Um, and I think the best way to do it is

to have you read this ad. So in your

book,

>> God, oh my god, I love this.

>> You never lived down,

>> Zara.

>> Yes.

>> So in the summer of 1977, when you were

22,

>> 1997,

>> excuse me.

>> You made me nervous for a minute.

>> Sorry. In the summer of 1997, when Zara

was 22, she put a personal ad on an

Indian singles website. Will you read

it, Zara? Yes.

>> So funny and so good. It's like a

beautiful poem.

>> Yeah. Well,

to some. All right. Here's the ad. To

some, I am too short or too plump. Too

dark or too argumentative. But enough

about me.

This is what I need from you. A husband

and a partner. Somebody who is ambitious

but not ruthless. Confident but not

arrogant. And humble but not timid. Most

of all, he is honest. I am on a mission

to build a very successful life. and you

must be ready to go with me. Only

contact me if you want to get married.

No friends

in all caps.

Kindly include your most recent tax

returns and medical records.

Sort of I thought it made sense. People

in my defense it made sense in the word

I came from, you know. And also it's so

funny. It's so funny. I know it's

serious, but it's also so funny. It's

you in a nutshell, which is it's direct,

>> it's clear, it has a point of view, and

it's really funny. And anyone reading

that would, I think, be drawn to

the wit of it. I mean, I don't want to

brag, but hundreds of people did

respond.

They did. And back then I was the only

woman speaking for myself on the

internet.

>> So it was like a lot of people just

responded cuz they were so excited not

to have to speak to somebody's cousin

and uncle and auntie and whatever.

>> But I do think I mean

dating in America is and marriage is

like I do I love this person do I is he

going to make me happy? you know, these

are the things you think about, right?

Like I was like, happiness is not

happening.

>> Let's just be okay with that.

>> It was more like, who's going to win

this war against the world that I'm

fighting? Who's going to be my best

recruit? Who's going to be my best

soldier and partner?

>> And I think a lot of immigrants see life

like that.

>> We see life like we're in war and we're

building a team and an army.

>> Uh, you know, and I do that now. I

remind my kids every day

>> like you do not have the luxury.

>> You do not you you are in you know

sometimes my kids get scared and nervous

of all the things that I throw them into

which I do have a habit of throwing them

into.

>> Yeah. I mean you entered your daughter

into a beauty pageant.

>> I did. I did. I did. That was more like

a philosophical take because she's 5

foot tall and I didn't want her to think

that she's not beautiful just because

she's short.

>> Yeah.

>> Because we always assume beauty queens

have to be tall.

>> So I remember calling the pageant

people. I was like, "What is your height

requirement?" And they're like, "We

don't have one."

>> And you said,

>> I said, "You don't?" Like, I assumed

there must be a minimum. And they're

like "No."

>> Yeah.

>> I said, "So, can my daughter who's 5

foot apply?" And then I was like,

"Correction, can I apply for her?"

>> Okay. Sorry, but I but I stopped you

because you're right. I we we here

believe that um you're you're building a

team and that ad is I want you on my

team.

>> Team. Yeah. And that and Zara, what I

love about that ad is when you say what

is it when you say I'm I'm going to live

I'm going to have a very big life.

>> I'm going to build a successful life and

you have to be ready to go with me.

>> Yeah. I I mean I didn't I didn't want to

lie to somebody. I think you should cast

a narrow net and be like this is what

I'm doing. Why talk to the 20 other

people who are going to be like let's

have fun. Like I don't want to have fun.

Well, you know, you were one of the few

people when I was single who I could

actually talk to about

dating and being single because there's

just so much weird stuff that people

project on you. And like, you know,

talking to married people are the

absolute worst. Um, and all they do is

try to set you up with people they want

to be with. They're like, "What about so

and so?" And it's like, "I think you

want to be with so- and so." But you

were so when we were touring, you were

so fun and funny to talk to about it

because you did you have because I find

this ad you're going to think I'm crazy,

but I find that ad very romantic.

>> Oh, um

>> I know. See, I knew you would.

>> I don't know about the romance.

>> Here's why I find it romantic. Because

you're advocating for yourself. You're

really saying like

>> I'm a catch

>> and I know myself. Do you want to come

with me on this journey? And but also

you're talking about like what what's

ahead. You're you're like I see good

things ahead. You're 22 when you make

that ad.

>> 21 actually.

>> 21. So you are not a successful touring

comedian with her own sitcom and you're

not a comedian at all. You're studying

to be a lawyer. There's just a lot of

like

>> like trust me that life is going to be

grand with me. Like that's very romantic

even though it seems very nuts and

bolts. So, I love that part of you is

you have this forwardinking big

ambitious dreams for yourself and the

people that you love cuz you're a

big-time dreamer,

>> but you're a realist at the same time.

Those two things are

>> I mean, I do the work. I do do the work.

I mean, when I wrote a screenplay, my

screenplay that ended up winning, I

didn't just write a screenplay. I was

going to write a trilogy.

>> And I was like, I'm going to call Bob

Iger.

>> I had no business. I just saw his name

somewhere and I was like, I should call

him. He should make my trilogy. Why not?

My brain.

>> But that's kind of how I got up with you

and Tina. I remember when I saw in the

news that Tina Feay and Amy Pol are

touring instantly. I called all my

agents.

>> I don't know. I have so many agents.

They never have the foresight.

>> I don't know why. But well, on our side,

um, Burke, Mike Burkowitz, a great agent

at WME who helped book our tour. He told

us about you.

>> Yeah. Yeah.

>> Um, so you probably poked and then we

heard and then we watched your stuff.

>> It probably was in the air at the time,

I'm guessing.

>> And you were doing a lot of work at the

time.

>> I was, of course, and I still do. I'm

working every night. I'm on a stage. But

so I do do the work. The dream cannot

just be the dream.

>> You have to put in the work.

>> But I actually like I've now fully

embraced that I'm a very serious type of

person.

>> And so but but just quickly, then you

met your husband. Yeah. And tell us

about your husband.

So he is also a very boring serious type

and and we live a very boring serious

life together and we we like what we do.

He's a very nice guy. He understood I

think he himself came from complicated

circumstances. So there was some kinship

there. So I can't say like I can't be

like it was hot and heavy and I don't

even know what any of that means. Like

there's no making out and all that.

Okay, maybe a little bit, but

>> there was a little making.

>> There was a little There was a little I

know. And my kids read the book after it

was written. God. And my my kids were

like, "Mom, you didn't picture your

parents."

>> I know. They're like, "Little warning,

mom."

>> Yeah.

>> I was like, "You see how I feel when I

walk in and you have your little

boyfriend hanging around?"

>> Yeah.

>> You think I want to see that? No

kidding.

>> Uh, you'll see. Amy, your kids are a

little young, but it's coming. Like, you

know, suddenly there's a girl in like

these short shorts and she's like

>> making pancakes for your son and you're

like "What

>> is happening?"

>> So intense. So intense. And and your son

in front of you is going to be like,

"Her pancakes are better." Okay. So, it

reminds me of a question that Zoya had

for you. So, Zoya, we talked to your

wonderful eldest daughter and as the

eldest, you're a baby. It's

>> the babies. the babies. Well, in your

case, Zara, you did not have it easy,

but babies can sometimes have it easy.

>> No, I did in many ways have it easy

because they did protect me.

>> Well, it is interesting. Yeah. The when

the when the baby comes, there's just

been another kid in the house.

>> Yeah.

>> When you're the first pancake, speaking

of pancakes, um it's uh it's it can it

can it's you know, everything gets

tested out on you. Anyway, and Zoya is

like, I mean, your kids are so great.

Your kids are so successful, mature.

Those are Instagram lies, Amy. Oh my

god. Let's do another episode. I will

bring all their flaws. We will lay them

out. They're so crazy. Are you kidding

me? Zoya has a million meltdowns. Every

day is a disaster.

>> She said, "I told her she should party

and I told her yes."

>> Oh my god. And I think she should party.

She should fail.

>> She doesn't have to. Who cares? Doesn't

even matter anymore. Zara,

>> I wrote the tuition checks. I care

deeply. I told her she should rebel and

when she does she can come up with

Auntie Amy.

>> Oh my god.

>> I mean I think she should study the

classics.

>> No. No. Stop. I knew there was an agenda

over here. Like Stanford sponsoring this

episode. I mean it was like like she you

your kids are so great and she's such a

good girl. Anyway, her question for you

was you know you talk about how you

never say I love you to um her dad, your

husband. No, I would never.

>> You

Why not? Why Why wouldn't you Why would

it just It is so wrong on so many

levels. It is It is would doom our

marriage. He would be sure I was dying.

Like there's no other circumstance. If I

have But you But she said you walk

together every day.

>> Yeah, we do.

>> So she's like, "Are you a hypocrite?"

Because that is in a way how you say I

love you.

>> We Okay. I knew she was going to ask

some question like this. She's like

that. Like she's very like, "Mom, you

don't really mean it." She doesn't know

that when we walk, they see us walking

and think it's a romantic walk.

>> It is not a romantic walk. We are going

through every bill that is outstanding.

We are going through, we're going

through every tax statement that we

didn't pay attention, things he did, his

mother's visiting. Now I'm yelling at

him

>> and he's trying to make the piece and

he's like, "Can she stay for two weeks?"

and we're negotiating that down. It is

not a romantic walk. We are best

friends,

>> her dad and I.

>> I believe that we have a really good

friendship.

>> And I actually think that the friendship

has stood the test of time.

>> It has.

>> I think had we been the romantic I love

you, like because we don't buy into that

full romantic notion of it and are more

like talking to a friend, it would be

like if something happened and you

wanted to clear the air with Tina, you

would right?

>> Yeah.

>> But with a spouse, you're actually

more afraid. I know it's I mean that's

what I mean about your frankness and and

and is is very it's very I think we I

think we agree here. Clarity is

kindness.

>> I agree.

>> When you're clear about yourself or what

you need, I think that's a kind act. And

people think that being direct is um can

be like overwhelming or even rude when

in fact if you do it without trying to

hurt somebody, you're actually just

expressing what you need. But we have a

we have a very like sideways way of

going about that. And I've heard you

give advice to people who are looking

for love. And it's and it's I mean you

kind of consider yourself a matchmaker.

You even wanted to be one at one point.

>> I was one. Oh,

>> you I was it was the worst business. I

should not be in that business. That

whole business is telling women it's not

too late when it's actually too late.

It's just too I'm sorry

because no because they come with these

unrealistic you will have a 45year-old

woman who's like I want a 20 or

8year-old hottie who's also a surgeon

and who's also going to inherit a

billion dollars. I had to be there and

be like okay you get to pick one thing

>> right? You can't like Starbucks I don't

think that that's the case with most

women. I think most women are are very

realistic. I think men are very

unrealistic.

>> Well, the men are the men don't go to

matchmakers cuz they don't feel any

sense of urgency. It's the women who are

like, "Why am I not married?" You'll

meet a 60-year-old dude and he's like,

"I haven't even thinking about it.

>> What are you thinking?" To them, I'm

like, "You're going to die. You're going

to die." I have to tell them. Like, I

will even tell them. Like, a few guys

like by the time you're done thinking

like already a lot of your body parts

are not working. I can see it.

As a broker, it was my job to be honest

and be like, anybody who's evaluating

like, you're not making enough money to

cover up for all this.

>> Mhm.

>> So, what are we going to fix here

either?

>> But it's an interesting time more than

ever because women don't really need

partners.

>> They really don't need partners.

>> They don't and they shouldn't. And

honest, can I can I have a really hot

take here that I've never had? My

daughter's going to get shocked. I

almost believe that get married young

once and get divorced.

>> Get it out of your system to get

married.

>> No, because get get it out of your

system. The women who are not married at

all

>> sometimes romanticize it to a point, but

like married women look at them and

you're like, "Oh my god, it is not like

you know that you know that married

women live shorter lives than unmarried

women."

>> Yes.

>> And married men live longer. Well,

they're taking our lives. They're taking

like sucking that out of our bodies.

Like literally.

>> So, I now think my daughter, if she act,

you know, I would be like, "Listen, get

married once, few months, year or two,

>> get it out of your system."

>> Because the women I find who have it the

hardest are the ones who never married

and who are imagining, literally

imagining Prince Charming, I'm like, he

farts.

>> Mhm.

>> It smells bad.

>> His mother is that bad. It's not a

story but

>> get that romance out of it and then

focus on your life and build your thing.

>> Worry about building your own life.

>> It's so true. I mean, but but it's quite

revolutionary the way you talk about

motherhood specifically as well as

marriage because,

you know, motherhood is a grind and it

is no one talks about how tiring it is

and how boring it is and how difficult

it can be. And we're all supposed to

pretend like we're having the best time

in our lives and our children are our

biggest gifts and miracles. And they

are. They're wonderful, wonderful

miracles. And I'm so happy to have them.

But but it's just like from one woman to

another, one mother to another, one

married woman to another, one divorced

woman to another. When you start telling

the truth on stage and you hear it from

other people, it's a huge relief. You

feel really seen. And that's your

comedy. Your comedy is really, really

good jokes, but you're telling the truth

about life in real time. It's why people

really respond to you.

>> I mean, I think so. I make jokes about

it and I, you know, I talk about how 16

years of being a stay-at-home mom, I

learned that I'm not into my kids

>> and and I like the kids, but it's the

job of mothering that's like horrible.

>> Yeah.

>> And I just say it now. I mean, there's

no point. That's the thing. If you're

going to do the comedy, do the comedy.

>> Yeah. I do four open mics a night here.

>> I I can't do that. still do four nights.

>> Absolutely. I'll stop in at any club

>> because I'm building material

constantly. I'm building I I am I'm

working on my third hour. I'm working on

my second book.

>> Okay. And so we should talk about that

because you have a special coming out in

July. Tell us. It's called

>> Practical People Win.

Why beat around the bush?

>> Such a good title. Practical people win.

You had a huge special on Amazon. Yeah.

One in a billion.

>> One in a billion. Um and you did a movie

um that what's the name of the movie

that

>> A nice Indian boy.

>> A nice Nice Indian boy. And you worked

with Jonathan Gra.

>> Yes.

>> Tell us about him.

>> He's my son-in-law in the movie. Yes.

Yes. Oh my god.

>> He's unbelievable. So talented. So

gorgeous. I am like why are you doing

this?

>> You we hang out all the time and I'm

like why are you an actor and you're

singing and like you should be in med

school John.

Like

>> this is a weekend job. I tell him all

the time and even he's like but you know

my plays do well.

>> He's like I'm doing okay.

>> The poor guy has to feel like he has to

justify to me because I had such an

overbearing mom character in that movie

that we kind of all became the

character.

>> We were together for a month and every

day we were you know my director. So

just so you know our director in that

movie is uh not only a movie director

but is also a cancer surgeon. He's an

Indian guy whose mom won't let him wait.

He's a director and a cancer surgeon.

>> Yes. And his mom won't let him quit the

medicine for the Hollywood thing.

>> Wow.

>> So 3 months of the year he's in Boston

at Harvard practicing cancer medicine.

>> Wow.

>> Because his mom won't let him quit.

She's like, I don't trust these

Hollywood people.

>> She's right. The business is terrible

right now.

>> So she's So it's a real thing. Like So I

used to tell Jonathan, I'm like, look at

him.

See, he's doing it. She He Jonathan

should do both. Jonathan, you could go

to med school while you're on Broadway.

>> Would you imagine if you're dying and

Jonathan Grath walks in?

>> That's give you life right there.

Lovely.

>> That would extend your life by a few

weeks right there.

>> Yeah. And he just as he's as he's in,

you know, giving you a shot, he's just

singing a lullabi to you at the same

time. Sounds great.

>> Right.

>> Um and uh I want to ask you about

because I loved the story and I don't

think you've told it. We were texting.

Oh, we've like I said before, we've been

on the road a lot. What have What have

we What have we What have you learned

about being on the road, me and Dina?

>> Oh my gosh.

>> Like I mean, we just really

>> we we had a we've had a lot of fun on

the road and it's because we don't like

having fun on the road.

>> Exactly.

>> Because the pressure is not on.

>> That's right.

>> That we're not trying to be cool.

>> No,

>> we're actually not actively not trying

to be cool. We're not trying to find the

hot spots. We're not trying to like

collaborate with like the cool people in

town. So you guys have famous guests all

the time in your shows and like I don't

see any like I hope we get to see.

You're more like all right what you know

what do we have to meet everybody.

But I appreciate that because you're

there for the business that you're there

for. I appreciate that you take your

audience very seriously as do

>> the show. Yeah. Oh, I we that's the one

thing we have in common. And I think as

women working that is the bar.

>> Yeah.

>> You have to perform up here if you're

going to have a career. And you know

that, Tina knows that. And I love that.

And then as soon as it's done, it's

done.

>> Yeah.

>> We unwind. Sometimes we text each other

from our rooms and we're like

>> totally. We're like, "How fast did you

get in your pajamas tonight?"

>> Yes.

>> But you told me a story about a show you

did in Dubai.

>> Yeah. And I think that that was an

amazing travel story. Could you could

you tell me that crazy because you were

traveling during that giant flood or

storm. What happened then?

>> Uh I first of all I didn't want to do

the show but Dubai comedy festival I did

it because

>> back home those women don't see this

>> version of any woman back then like I am

one of one in this whole world who does

what I do. very homestyle brown people

comedy, take on your mother-in-law and

all. And these people had been like

requesting for so long that please come,

the women would love to see you. And uh

I was like very torn because you know I

wasn't sure how the comedy and it's it's

not America. People don't understand

what America is here. You get up on

stage, you trash your president, it's

fine. You get on stage, you do that

somewhere else, you're going to end up

in jail.

>> Like you really like it's no joke. you

really will not leave the country. So, I

was very had mixed feelings, but I

agreed to do it. And um

this huge humongous once in a-lifetime

flood while I'm in the air 20 minutes

before we're landing in Dubai, the

flight gets diverted to Oman, Musket.

And we land in Musket and we're stranded

at the airport for 3 days because all

these airplanes landed in Musket cuz

there was no safe place to land

>> and you stayed at the airport. at the

airport. There was no place to go. And

and you know what? Like people knew who

I was. A lot of people and word spread.

So they were like, "Tell her to tweet.

Tell her to tweet that we're frustrated.

Tell her to tweet that the airlines are

getting." And I don't do any of that. My

my page is a very positive page. I'm not

one like, "Oh, you this restaurant

sucks. That's not my vibe." So I kept

being like, "Guys, I don't do that." And

please, because they would shove a phone

in my face and be like, "Make a video."

So, um, I did think that that storm was

brought on by my mother-in-law

because she does have a history of

trying to destroy my career in many

ways. I mean, my my uh comedy special on

Amazon has thousands of perfect reviews

and then 12 one stars from the same

region in India. You know it's her. You

know it's her. You know it's her.

>> She takes people's phones and she

presses it.

But I was there for 3 days and it was

and I remember texting you.

>> Yes.

>> Because you were like worried for me cuz

you knew how stressed out I was.

>> Oh, it was so stressful.

>> And I remember at one point you were

like, oh, so it sounds like you moved to

Dubai.

>> And I'm like, what? Because at the time

I was so hopeless that I was like, am I

ever going to leave? After 2 days, you

start thinking like, is this ever going

to resolve? But your text came in to,

oh, it sounds like you've moved there

now. It was nice knowing you. I was so

>> And Zarn, I love the end. You write

about it and you write about it in your

book. You But you get on stage. You have

an incredible show.

>> Yeah.

>> Right. Like you make it with hours to go

or something.

>> Minutes.

>> Minutes.

>> It's one of the only shows that went on

last year. I think three shows went on.

Mine was the only one.

>> And your brother joins you on stage.

>> Yeah.

>> And that was a really powerful moment.

>> Yeah. My brother actually joined me in

Mumbai. Dubai. After Dubai, I went to

Mumbai which was very very

>> So you went to Dubai and then you and

you was very scared of my Mumbai. I

don't like doing comedy in India. I have

such you know it's like I have such a

negative association with how people

perceive me that I'm not com but I

agreed to do one show and my brother and

all his friends and everybody was in the

audience and I just couldn't I called

him up on stage at the end because it's

my hometown.

>> Yeah. You are you realize what home is

when you're gone and you come back and

you're like, "Oh my god, I know every

street.

>> Yeah,

>> I know every store. I know every

building even 30 years later." So I

called him up and

>> oh my god, it was water. I couldn't even

control I started crying. He started he

couldn't he started crying because he

was like what is this whole thinkings

feelings thing happening? And um I think

it hit a chord with everybody in the

audience because they all had everybody

has that somebody that they miss whether

it's they lost them to life or death or

distance or whatever and that ending of

that show became that moment of like

>> you know I told I told people in India

so here we talk about immigrants in

America right people who come here

Indian people are used to talking about

people who leave and why they leave and

the perception back home very much is

that everybody leaves for the money that

you get a good job in America you earn

an American dollars and that's why you

leave and I remember like telling them I

I I was like you know in India I'm

referred to as an NRI that's a

non-resident Indian and I said you know

not every non-resident Indian is an

like we didn't all just see the

money and escape some of us actually

were just trying to survive like we left

such I remember weeping through the

entire flight to Ohio and some of us

can't believe that we're not here yet

>> and I think that that's the first time

they had heard that from somebody who is

considered successful in America.

>> They are much more used to American

Indians coming back to India and telling

them everything that's wrong

>> with India. you need to fix these

potholes. You need to be more

democratic. Give women more rights. They

go back and they like sermonize because

they're so successful. They feel like

they've seen a better life. And I'm the

opposite. I have so much love for India.

I have so much pain in my heart for

leaving.

>> Um not just my brother like I went and I

visited all those old fruit sellers and

I mean they're all gone. But I met my

driver. my driver who's a character in

my book also the guy who

>> drove me around so I could sit in air

conditioning and read in peace.

>> Uh that was a thing in my childhood. So

I remember having making that speech and

like the whole audience was in tears. We

were like we are all much more one than

than we think. Whether you live there or

you live here or whatever your story is

at the end of the day the human emotions

are the same. Like I didn't want to come

here. I really thought I was going to

live in India and like make my life. I

thought I would my mom would be would be

swimming with me till I was 50 years

old, you know. And I met my mom's best

friend. Oh my god, that was the most

painful.

>> My mom's best friend came to the show.

Came to the show.

>> Wow.

>> Amy, I was gutted. I was like, you got

40 more years of life.

>> Yeah. you know, and and she was like,

"If she if your mom was alive, she would

be so proud." And I was like, "Oh my

god, I'm not sure about that. Actually,

I'm not." I was like, "Oh, cuz I

remember when my horoscope, my

astrologer, told my mom that this girl

is going to talk and talk and talk at my

birth." My mom was terrified for me.

>> But my mom's best friend was in the

show, too. And she was like, it was very

very Oh my god, I can't

>> I I I want to share that you gave me

this bracelet. And also people should

know it was it's an expensive bracelet.

>> Oh.

>> Zara loves expensive things. You're

always telling me to go buy fancy

things. We're kind You're kind of a

pusher when it comes to shopping.

>> Well, we we have reasons. Like I I'll

I'll have a bad day and I'll be like,

>> Amy, this was a Gucci tote level bad

day.

>> Yeah. She'll be like and I say I think

that that makes a perfect sense.

>> Why do we work so hard if we can't do

that? But you gave me a beautiful

bracelet and you told me that it it had

>> Yeah. Can you explain?

>> So in India we have a day a religious

day that is uh traditionally celebrated

between brothers and sisters called Raa

Bandhan where the sister ties a bracelet

around the brother's wrist and promises

to to take to love him and he in turn

promises to protect her. That's how that

tradition started. In a modern iteration

of it, sisters tie it to each other a

bracelet. It's usually a modest red

thread, but like we don't play that way.

>> We don't roll with the modest red thread

situation.

>> And I feel so grateful to have you. And

>> okay, it's it's Amy's podcast, so like I

don't feel as grateful about Dina.

>> Yeah, just let's focus on me. is

focused. Dina doesn't have a podcast.

Does she have a podcast? No,

>> she doesn't have a podcast. So, like

it's Amy's number one.

>> Yeah. Uh I feel so grateful. You guys

kind of took me under your wing and I

wanted to express the promise

>> that we take very seriously back home.

It's this thread that we tie and we

really it's a commitment. It's it's not

just a thread. We re like I'm living

that commitment with my my siblings. I

lived with my sister for years. Could

you imagine having to take in a sibling

for years?

>> And I was outspoken even in Ohio. Like I

had my moments with my siblings

everywhere.

>> Of course,

>> uh I still love my brother dearly. And

it's something like I know if anything

goes sideways in my life, he will be

there on day one.

>> So I gave you this bracelet. And also I

love giving. I I do.

>> I know you are a giver. You're very

generous, aren't you?

>> No, but I love Giving is so much more

fun than getting. getting well. Well, I

could talk to you forever and I have,

but I want to end with a good segue that

which is

>> we both took this like anagram test and

we found out we were the same number for

the people who care. We are both Zara

and I are both anagram eights which is

kind of rare for women but very quickly

what that means is like we're

challenggers. Like if someone says you

know this way you have to walk this way,

Zara and I are like what about this way?

You know, we we like to question

authority basically and you've talked

about it a lot like how you kept saying,

"Well, maybe I could do it this way."

Well, what about this way? Like, and we

you know, I never have to guess how you

feel.

>> And I love that. That relaxes me.

>> Yeah.

>> Um some people are different. But before

we go, I wanted to read to you if anyone

who cares about this kind of fun like

personality stuff, I wanted to read to

you um things that annoy an enog and see

if you agree. Yeah.

>> Okay. Because these really made me

laugh.

>> Okay. Okay. People who talk just to

talk.

>> Oh, annoyed.

>> The worst.

>> Yeah. The worst. Like, please don't.

>> You know, like people that are like,

you're on a conference call and they're

like, I just also think it's just like

>> No, please don't think.

>> Please don't think like when they start

that it's like, you know,

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> Fake people.

>> Can't stand.

>> Yeah.

>> Just say it. Honor. We don't have to

agree. But I still appreciate the

honesty.

>> Totally agree. I I love I don't even I

don't have to agree with anybody. I like

conflict. It makes me feel kind of

alive.

>> You do like conflict.

>> I do like conflict a little bit. A

little bit. Um indecisiveness.

>> No.

>> Can't I mean just make a plan.

>> Please leave the chat now.

>> Yeah.

>> If you're going to add 10 more layers of

should we go here, should we not go

here? I will be like you're out.

>> Me too.

>> I'm starting another chat.

>> And I bet you're like me too when people

when the bill comes and everyone wants

to pay. It's like please someone just

pay.

>> Someone just pay. It's not that deep.

It's it's it's an egg salad. Relax.

>> People who need constant praise.

>> Oh my god.

>> I know. I love

>> cannot stand it. Cannot like Right. Like

what?

>> To me. To me, if you're doing a good

job, and I love to tell people they're

doing a good job, and so do you. But to

me, no news is good news.

>> Good news. And don't wait for it. Don't

like don't be fishing for it. The worst

are the fishers.

>> The ones that are like, I just I guess I

just was kind of sad that I didn't hear

that. and be like, "Oh, that you did a

good job.

>> Great job."

>> Now, first of all,

>> you did the job you were paid to do.

>> So, let's just say that because we're in

a generation now you got to pay these

people and like constantly mother them

and reassure them like a good job.

>> I like, you know, I don't pay people to

do a bad job.

>> Like, if you didn't do a good job

tomorrow, you're not going to be here.

>> Yeah. But you got to tell them.

>> Yeah, you do. And then the last one

which I love is asserting power in a

situation where they have none.

>> That one really struck me. When others,

you know, pretend that they have power

when they don't.

>> Oh, that's so lame.

>> Like what comes up for me and I mean a

lot of stuff comes up for me at airports

is TSA.

>> Yeah. Yeah. But they you got to play the

game a little bit.

>> You kind of have to.

>> But here's how I play the game.

>> Yeah.

>> I'm completely prepared.

>> Yeah. I would never go through TSA with

any. I would if if my if the alarm goes

off, I'm fully shamed for a day. If I

get like if I forget to take my water

bottle out, I don't I should I don't

deserve to fly. But when someone asserts

power, I mean, that's actually not

really true now that I think about it

because I do have power. But when

someone pretends they have power and

they don't.

>> Yeah.

>> That makes me nuts.

>> But they do it all the time. These are

petty games. It drives me nuts. But I

play it, of course.

>> You know, like doctor's office, they'll

be like, "We don't have an appointment.

We have an appointment. We don't have an

appointment." I'll be like, like, "Let's

play this game for 5 minutes and then

give me the appointment."

>> Well, what are you How are you like with

doctors? Because I'm very challenging

with doctors.

>> Very, I was going to say very bad. And

now Chad GPT has made it worse.

>> I'm always like, "Who made you the

boss?" And they're like, "The a school.

I went to school."

>> But as soon as they come in, I'm like,

"Oh, no, no, no, no." And you're that

way too.

>> The worst.

>> And I have so many questions for them.

>> Yeah.

>> And the last thing I'll ask you is, what

are you listening to right now that's

making you laugh? What are you watching?

What do you do? What do you do to laugh?

I mean, your job is comedy.

>> The Good Hang podcast.

>> Rachel D, you can't top that moment. I'm

sorry.

>> I'm so glad you were. The dog, the

doorbell, the Uber drive. We were all so

frazzled. We were like, what is

happening? I was like, is this is she

creating it? For a minute. I was like,

did she plan this? But she couldn't

have.

>> No. Rachel Drach continues to be such a

wonderful not only friend and comedian,

but for me, she helps my mental health

because I used to watch Debbie Downer

when I needed to just laugh. And now now

she's yet again provided a moment for me

that I like go I go back to and watch

because

>> it's going to be one for the ages. I go

back to it, too.

>> But do you watch com do you watch

comedy?

>> All Yeah. All I do all I watch all the

standup comics.

>> I don't I don't enjoy comedy.

>> Yeah. I mean, I'll move through it and I

also see them in real life a lot. So,

>> but we do it for our jobs. So, sometimes

I just really don't want to watch it cuz

if it's good, I'm a little bit like, oh,

damn, that's good, you know? And if it's

bad, it's just like, what am I doing?

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. But you do you watch other

like right now, who are you loving to

watch?

>> I mean, so many great women comics. Oh

my god. Hannah Burner.

>> I know. Hannah.

>> Hannah and I, you know, we have our own

little thing, too. And I know you have

your thing. She's amazing. And it's it's

standup comedy, but it's like adjacent.

It's got this social media angle to it,

which is my space.

>> So, I love seeing the moms who are like

creating all this like weird things

around standup comedy cuz for so long it

was dominated only by men

>> and they did it their way,

>> which is like the minimum effort,

>> right? 25%.

>> Right. Just put your shirt on, not even

it's don't even iron it, show up and

just speak. with the women like

>> brick wall. Literal brick wall

>> and look at this.

>> No plants, no food, nothing. Nothing.

>> But the women are doing like Jessica

Kirstson who's like a you know a friend

of mine like she's she's lesbian. She's

a mom of four. It's like so much

interesting stuff happening in that

space that that those are my favorites

to watch.

>> Awesome. Sarah, I could talk to you

forever. I I really do feel like you're

such a great example of you're just it's

never it's never too late to meet, you

know,

>> it's never too late.

>> It's never too late.

>> I like to say that if you win the day

before you die, you still won.

>> I love that, Z. And it's about winning.

>> It's big things coming. Big things

coming always. Why did I marry this guy?

I told him big things.

>> Yeah, big things are coming always. And

big things are here. Thank you, Zarag.

>> Thank you, Amy Puller.

Well, Zara, thank you so much. You're

amazing. Your book, This American Woman,

check it out. And um you know, I'm going

to take this time for this Polar Plunge

to just plug Zarna's stuff because Zara

would want me to do that. And um and uh

all of her stuff is so great. So, check

out her old special, One in a Billion,

on Amazon. Check out her new special

that just came out, Practical People

Win. Um, check out any of the dates

where she's touring and uh, she's so

great. It is a great night out. Um, and

of course this American woman, her New

York besteller, Zarna Gar Everywhere,

taking over taking over this business as

she should. So, um, thank you for

joining us, Zara. Thank you for

listening to Good Hang and we'll see you

soon. Bye.

You've been listening to Good Hang. The

executive producers for this show are

Bill Simmons, Jenna Weiss Berman, and

me, Amy Polar. The show is produced by

The Ringer and Paperkite. For The

Ringer, production by Jack Wilson, Cat

Spelain, Kaia McMullen, and Aia Xanerys.

For Paperkite, production by Sam Green,

Joel Levelvel, and Jenna Weiss Berman.

Original music by Amy Miles.

really good. Hey